The Greatest List of Fictional Beers!

This being the internet and all, you’ve likely seen a list or two assembling the “best” fake beers used in movies and TV….and although there are some quality articles out there (that I “borrowed” heavily from to create this one — thanks, guys!), none are nearly as awesome as this one, because this one is in color. No B&W webpages in these parts, no sirree.

I present to you The Greatest Fake Beers Ever Created for Movies and Television*

 

Elsinore Beer: Strange Brew

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Of all the fake beers on this list, this is the one I’d most like to actually hold in my grubby hands. It’s brewed in a haunted Canadian castle-slash-insane asylum run by Max Von Sydow! …and any beer good enough for Hosehead the Flying Dog is good enough for me, eh.

 

Shotz Beer: Laverne & Shirley

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Schotz makes the list because I thought Cindy Williams was cute when I was a kid. I can’t say I felt the same for Penny Marshall…I mean, I’m glad she directed “Big” and all, but she always reminded of that ugly woman hanging around the bar at closing time with lipstick on her teeth.

Plus, Michael McKean (David St. Hubbins from “Spinal Tap”) was on this show. By logical extension, anything related to Spinal Tap must be revered.

 

Girlie Girl Beer: Married With Children

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There was a time when Al Bundy was my hero and “Married…With Children” was the funniest show on TV. Then the show continued about 5 seasons past the point of becoming shamefully awful. Nonetheless, for a while there it was the only show on television that made jokes about vibrators and had Christina Applegate in her prime.

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Bendërbrau, Cold-Fusion Steam Beer, Pabst Blue Robot, Sam Adams’ Head Boston Lager, St. Pauli Exclusion Principle Girl Beer and Löbrau Beer, Olde Fortan Malt Liquor: Futurama

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Matt Groening is a genius at capturing the spirit of trashy beer in his animated shows. Perhaps it’s because he’s from the beer capital of the U.S., Portland, Oregon. (Trivia: streetnames in Portland include Terwilliger (Sideshow Bob’s last name) and Lovejoy (Reverand Lovejoy).

 

Dharma Beer: Lost

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Say what you will about Lost’s slow descent into total irrelevence, but for a spell it was the most intriguing show on TV, plus these bottles are really cool.

 

 

Beer: Repo Man

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Next to Elsinore, “BEER” brand beer from Alex Cox’s cult masterpiece Repo Man is perhaps the beer I most wish they’d make a reality. This and basically all the other fantastically generic products used in the film. It would certainly be the most punk rock (not that the concept even exists now in a post Green Day world).

 

Butter Beer: Harry Potter Series

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Butterbeer makes the list because I wanted to post this picture:

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Samuel Jackson: The Chappelle Show

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Who doesn’t want Sam Jackson screaming at them during beer commercials??

 

Pißwasser: GTA 4

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The trashiest (and funniest) of all the fake beers out there. GTA 4 is often more humorous than the majority of film and TV comedy in existence.

 

Tenku Beer – Kill Bill

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Because it’s in motherfucking Kill Bill.

 

Schmitt’s Gay: Saturday Night Live

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Because it’s called Schmitt’s Gay. ‘Nuff said.

 

Pawtucket Patriot Ale: Family Guy

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There was a time when Family Guy was not an annoying parade of painfully unfunny 80′s references….what that time was, I have no idea. Hasn’t it been on the air like 56 seasons now?

 

Romulan Ale: Star Trek

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Apparently this is now a real beer from South America. Wanna send me a six pack? Pretty please?

 

Duff Beer: The Simpsons

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Little else to say about this one except it is actually in production now in Ireland. Word on the street is it’s crap, which is shocking because product tie-ins are never of a shoddy quality!

 

 

*and here’s an insanely all-inclusive list of virtually every fake beer ever created for movies or TV:

http://brookstonbeerbulletin.com/fictional-beer-brands/