If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

“You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer” – Frank Zappa

frank zappa If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

This brilliant quote was the catalyst for today’s post as it got me thinking: What countries make beer? Do all of them? What’s the best beer from each country? How would each country fare in direct competition with the rest of the globe? Is this post gonna require a shit-ton of research??

The answers to the above questions are: Most of them (hence the asterisk up there in the title), No, that’s totally debatable,  also debatable, and YES.

So here’s what I did:

1) First, I googled a list of every country on our little planet. Turns out, the definition of “country” can be a little fuzzy. For instance, there’s this little thing called “war” that complicates matters. Therefore, I listed all countries regardless of whether their existence is disputed. In this dreamworld, Israel and Palestine co-exist peacefully — see what beer can do?

myanmar burma If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

People can be a little touchy about what you call their chunk of land…

2) Countries come and go and have name changes. So, if a particular beer was once brewed in The Democratic Peoples Republic of South Kerplakistan, I indeed list Kerplakistan as a country.

congo If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

Every year they have a drawing to see who gets to name the country.

3) Some places are technically provinces or territories or protectorates or whatever…but if they make beer they sure as fuck make the list, regardless of whether they’ve ever competed in the Olympics.

 

I learned some pretty fascinating stuff while assembling this list, such as:

A) There are over 50 countries/territories that have no local beer production! …and some places have NO BEER OF ANY KIND!!! Here are a couple maps to help you plan where NOT TO EVER TAKE A VACATION!

map of africa countries no beer If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

I know you’ve been planning a trip to Libya, but they don’t have any breweries. Sorry.

middle east no beer 860x1024 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

As if you needed one more reason not to join the U.S. military.

 

B) Some countries make beer that honestly shocked me. Did you know there are breweries in Madagascar? Papua New Guinea? Pakistan?? Iraq??!?

C) The following countries/territories/typos do NOT brew their own beer, therefore according to Zappa’s law they are not real countries:

abkhazia, afghanistan, somoa, anguilla, ascension island, bahrain, bermuda, brunei, burkina faso, central african republic, comoros, curacao, djibouti, east timor, equatorial guinea, french guiana, gabon, gibralter, grenada, guam, guinea, iran, kiribati republic, kuwait, kyrgyz republic, libya, malawi, maldives, mauritania, mayotte island, micronesia, nogamo karabakh, nauru, niue, norfolk island, northern marianas, oman, palau, qatar, st maarten, solomon islands, somalia, somaliland, south ossetia, st helena, togo, tokelau, transdniestra, tuvalu, vatican city, western sahara, yemen

D) They make beer in Germany! True story!

E) In the “No Shit” department, Vatican City and Iran don’t have breweries!

 

also…

For the sake of making things even more interesting, I referenced the Ratebeer.com website and chose the top rated beer of each country (except when images were unavailable, in which case I chose the next in line. The logic being if I can’t find even a photo on the internet it’s unlikely you’ll find that beer!). This means that not only will this list educate you in geography, but it’ll inform you which beers are among the best in the world. Besides, it’d be pretty boring if I listed stuff like Corona for Mexico, now wouldn’t it? Lastly, HUGE thanks to www.marcsbeercollection.com for many of these images.

 

But enough of my yakking — on to THE LIST. How would your country fare? (Hint: if your nation only brews one beer it’s probably safe to say you ain’t getting any medals…)

 

Albania: Korça Pils

albania Korça Pils beer 166x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Algeria: Mini BR

algeria mini br beer 451x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Andorra: Alpha Tipus Pilsener

andorra Alpha Tipus Pilsener beer 205x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Angola: Nova Cuca

imagesCAL1GWH2 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Antigua and Barbuda: Wadadli

antigua and barbuda Wadadli beer 270x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

 

Argentina: Araucana

Argentina araucana beer 197x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

 Armenia: Kilikia Dark beer

armenia Kilikia Dark beer 180x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Aruba: Balashi

aruba Balashi beer 182x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Australia: Murrays Wild Thing Imperial Stout

Australia murrays wild thing imperial stout If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

 

Austria: Schloss Eggenberg Samichlaus Bier

austria Schloss Eggenberg Samichlaus Bier beer 152x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Azerbaijan: Xirdalan

azerbaijan xirdalan beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Bahamas: strong back stout

bahamas strong back stout beer 179x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Bangladesh: Hunter

bangladesh hunter beer 403x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Barbados: Banks Beer

 

Barbados banksbeer 741x1024 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Belarus: Brestskoe Belovezhskoe Svetloe

Belarus Brestskoe Belovezhskoe Svetloe If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

 

Belgium: Westvleteren 12

belgium Westvleteren 12 beer 165x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Belize: Belikin

belize belikin beer 182x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

 Benin: la Béninoise

benin la Béninoise beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Bhutan: Red Panda Weissbier

bhutan Red Panda Weissbier beer 162x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Bolivia: El Inca Bi-Cervecina

bolivia El Inca Bi Cervecina beer 397x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Bosnia: Slavsko Tamno Pivo

bosnia Slavsko Tamno Pivo beer 264x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Botswana: St. Louis Lager

botswana St. Louis Lager beer 304x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Brazil: Colorado Índica

brazil Colorado Índica beer 198x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Bulgaria: Stolichno T’mno

bulgaria Stolichno T’mno beer 299x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Burundi: Primus Biere

burundi Primus Biere beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Cambodia: Black Panther Stout

cambodia black panther stout beer 332x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Cameroon: Beaufort

cameroon Beaufort beer 191x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Canada: Dieu du Ciel Péché Mortel

canada Dieu du Ciel Péché Mortel beer 290x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Cape Verde Islands: Strela

cape verde islands strela beer 164x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Cayman Islands: CayBrew

caymen islands caybrew beer 280x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Chad: Chari

chad chari beer 236x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Chile: Szot Strong Ale

chile Szot Strong Ale beer 279x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

China: Tsingtao Stout

china Tsingtao beer 192x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Colombia: Costena

colombia costena beer 755x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Congo: Tembo

congo tembo beer 189x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

 Cook Islands: Cooks Lager

cook islands cooks lager beer 152x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Costa Rica: Imperial

costa rica imperial beer 153x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Croatia: Tomislav Tamno Pivo

croatia Tomislav Tamno Pivo beer 172x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Cuba: Bucanero Fuerte

cuba Bucanero Fuerte beer 312x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Cyprus: Leon

cyprus leon beer 242x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Czech Republic: Herold

czech republic herold beer 186x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

 Denmark: Mikkeller

denmark mikkeller beer 158x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Dominica: Kubuli

dominica Kubuli beer 298x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Dominican Republic: Presidente

 

Dominican Republic Presidente If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

Ecuador: Club Premium

ecuador club premium beer 336x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Egypt: Luxor Weizen

egypt Luxor Weizen beer 328x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

El Salvador: Caguama

el salvador caguama beer 279x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

England: Good King Henry

england good king henry beer 375x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Eritrea: Asmara

eritrea asmara beer 298x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Estonia: Viru

 

Estonia A. Le Coq Premium Extra Viru If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Ethiopia: Bedele

ethiopia bedele beer 180x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Faroe Islands: 1888 Triple Ram

faroe islands 1888 triple ram beer 158x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Fiji: Gold

fiji gold beer 419x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Finland: Koff Porter

finland koff porter beer 269x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

France: Vielle Brune

france vielle brune beer 361x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

 French Polynesia: Hinano

french polynesia hinano beer 186x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Gambia: Julbrew

Gambia Julbrew Lager If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

 

Georgia: Kazbegi Hunter

georgia Kazbegi Hunter beer 183x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Germany: Ayinger Celebrator Doppelbock

germany Ayinger Celebrator Doppelbock beer 192x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

 Guernsey: Randalls Patois

Guernsey Randalls Cynful If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

 

Ghana: Gulder Lager

ghana Gulder Lager beer 184x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Greece: Septem Sunday’s Honey Golden Ale

greece Septem Sunday’s Honey Golden Ale beer 202x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Greenland: Greenland Easter Bock

greenland Greenland Easter Bock beer 240x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Guadalupe: Gwada Gold

Guadelupe Gwada Gold If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

 

Guatemala: Cerveza Sol

 

Guatemala Cerveza Sol If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Guyana: Banks

 

Guyana Banks DIH Premium If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Haiti: Prestige Lager

haiti Prestige Lager beer 381x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Honduras: Cerveza Port Royal Export

honduras Cerveza Port Royal Export beer 156x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Hong Kong: Hong Kong Beer

hong kong Hong Kong Beer 247x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Hungary: Grabanc IPA

hungary Grabanc IPA beer 188x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Iceland: Einstök Icelandic Toasted Porter

iceland Einstök Icelandic Toasted Porter beer 166x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

India: Haywards Black

india Haywards Black beer 191x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Indonesia: Storm Beer Black Moon Iron Stout

indonesia Storm Beer Black Moon Iron Stout 155x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Iraq: Farida Lager

iraq Farida Lager Beer 197x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Ireland: Porterhouse Celebration Stout Barrel Aged

ireland Porterhouse Celebration Stout Barrel Aged beer 169x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Isle of Man: Okells Aile

isle of man Okells Aile beer 323x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Israel: Negev Porter Alon

israel Negev Porter Alon beer 166x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Italy: Baladin Xyauyù Fumé

italy Baladin Xyauyù Fumé beer 300x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Ivory Coast: Mamba

ivory coast Mamba beer 218x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

 Jamaica: Jamaica Stout

jamaica stout beer 300x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Japan: Hitachino Nest Espresso Stout

japan Hitachino Nest Espresso Stout beer 291x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Jersey: Mary Ann Special Cask

jersey mary ann special cask beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Jordan: Petra Beer

jordan Petra Beer If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Kazakhstan: Tian-Shan Svetloe

kazakhstan Tian Shan Svetloe beer 235x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Kenya: Sierra Amber

kenya Sierra Amber beer 163x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Kosovo: Birra Peja Pilsner

kosovo Birra Peja Pilsner beer 182x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Laos: Beerlao Dark

laos Beerlao Dark beer 224x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Latvia: Aldaris Porteris

latvia Aldaris Porteris beer 168x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Lebanon: 961 Stout

lebanon 961 Stout beer 163x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Lesotho: Maluti Premium Lager

lesotho Maluti Premium Lager beer 239x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Liechtenstein: Liechtensteiner Brauhaus Weiza

liechtenstein Liechtensteiner Brauhaus Weiza beer 218x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Lithuania: Kurklių I.O. Boiko

lithuania Kurklių I.O. Boiko beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Luxembourg: Simon Noël

luxembourg Simon Noël beer 166x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

 Macau: Macau Blonde Ale

macau Macau Blonde Ale beer 176x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Macedonia: Skopsko Svetlo Pivo

macedonia Skopsko Svetlo Pivo beer 338x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Madagascar: Star Three Horses Beer Pilsener

madagascar Star Three Horses Beer Pilsener beer 160x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Malaysia: Danish Royal Stout

malaysia Danish Royal Stout beer 319x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Mali: Flag Speciale

mali Flag Spéciale beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Malta: Farsons Lacto

malta Farsons Lacto beer 379x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Martinique: Bière Lorraine

martinique Bière Lorraine beer 230x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Mauritius: Phoenix

mauritius Phoenix Beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Mexico: Cucapá Barley Wine (Centenario)

mexico Cucapá Barley Wine Centenario beer 205x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Moldova: Chisinau Aurie Originala

moldova Chisinau Aurie Originala beer 461x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Monaco: Brasserie De Monaco Blonde

monaco Brasserie De Monaco Blonde beer 600x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Mongolia: Chinggis Mongolian Lager

mongolia Chinggis Mongolian Lager beer 349x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Montenegro: Nikšićko Tamno

montenegro Nikšićko Tamno beer 354x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Morocco: Casablanca (Casa Beer)

morocco Casablanca Casa Beer 184x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Mozambique: Laurentina Preta

mozambique Laurentina Preta beer 337x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Myanmar: Myanmar Lager

myanmar Myanmar Lager Beer 365x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

 

Namibia: Hansa Urbock

namibia Hansa Urbock beer 253x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Nepal: Everest Premium Lager

nepal everest premium lager beer 164x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Netherlands: De Molen Hel & Verdoemenis

netherlands De Molen Hel Verdoemenis beer 180x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

New Caledonia: Number One

new caledonia Number One beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

New Zealand: 8 Wired iStout

new zealand 8 Wired iStout beer 162x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Nicaragua: Toña

 

Nicaragua Tona If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Niger: Bière Niger

niger Bière Niger beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Nigeria: Gulder Lager

nigeria Gulder Lager Nigeria beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

North Korea: Taedonggang 11P

north korea Taedonggang 11P beer 364x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Northern Ireland: Whitewater Belfast Lager

northern ireland Whitewater Belfast Lager beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Norway: Mack Haakon

norway Mack Haakon beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Pakistan: Murree’s

 

Pakistan Murree If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

Palestine: Taybeh Beer Dark

palestine Taybeh Beer Dark 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Panama: Cerveza Panama Lager

panama Cerveza Panama Lager beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Papua New Guinea: South Pacific Export Lager

papua new guinea South Pacific Export Lager beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Paraguay: Baviera

paraguay Baviera beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Peru: Pilsen Polar

peru Pilsen Polar beer 280x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Puerto Rico: India Lager

 

Puerto Rico Cerveza India If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Philippines: Red Horse

philippines Red Horse beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Poland: Zywiec Jasne Pelne

poland Zywiec Jasne Pelne beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Portugal: Sagres

portugal Sagres beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Reunion: Bourbon

reunion Bourbon beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Romania: Ursus Premium

romania Ursus Premium beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Russia: Stary Melnik Iz Bochonka Myagkoe

russia Stary Melnik Iz Bochonka Myagkoe beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Rwanda: Mutzig

rwanda Mutzig beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Samoa: Vailima

samoa Vailima beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

 San Marino: Amarcord La Putena

san marino Amarcord La Putena beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Sao Tome & Principe: Creola Export

sao tome principe Creola Export Beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Saudi Arabia: Bario (NON-ALCOHOLIC)

saudi arabia Bario NA beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Scotland: Harviestoun Old Engine Oil Special Reserve

scotland Harviestoun Old Engine Oil Special Reserve beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Senegal: Biere la Gazelle

senegal Biere la Gazelle beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Serbia: Niksicko Pivo

serbia Niksicko Pivo beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Seychelles: Seybrew

seychelles Seybrew beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Sierra Leone: Star Lager

sierra leone Star Lager beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Singapore: Brewerkz

Singapore Brewerkz beer If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Slovakia: Saris 12% Premium

slovakia Saris 12 Premium beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Slovenia: Union Pils

slovenia Union Pils beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

 South Africa: Castle Lager

south africa Castle Lager beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Spain: San Miguel Especial

spain San Miguel Especial beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Sri Lanka: Lion Stout

sri lanka Lion Stout beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

St KittsSkol Lager

st kitts Skol Lager beer 301x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

St Lucia: Piton

st lucia Piton beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

St Vincent & The Grenadines: Hairoun

st vincent the grenadines Hairoun beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Sudan: White Bull Lager

sudan White Bull Lager beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Suriname: Djogo Pilsener

suriname Djogo Pilsener Bier 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Swaziland: Christies Gold Beer Shandy

swaziland Christies Gold Beer Shandy 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Sweden: Zeunerts Werde

sweden Zeunerts Werde beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Switzerland: La Sierrvoise La Claire

switzerland La Sierrvoise La Claire beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Syria: Barada Beer

syria Barada Beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Taiwan: Taiwan Beer

Taiwan Beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Tajikistan: Sim-Sim Pivo

tajikistan Sim Sim Pivo beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

 Tanzania: Serengeti Lager

tanzania Serengeti Lager beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Thailand: Singha

thailand Singha beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Tibet: Lhasa Beer

tibet Lhasa Beer 158x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Tonga: Ikale

Tonga Ikale beer If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Trinidad & Tobago: Carib Lager

trinidad tobago Carib Lager beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Tunisia: Celtia

tunisia Celtia beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Turkey: Efes Pilsen

turkey Efes Pilsen beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Turkmenistan: Biyat Zip 5 Klassiki

turkmenistan Biyat Zip 5 Klassiki beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Turks and Caicos Islands: Turk’s Head beer

Turks and Caicos Islands Turks Head beer If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Uganda: Nile Gold Crystal Malt Lager

uganda Nile Gold Crystal Malt Lager beer 146x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Ukraine: Obolon Premium

ukraine Obolon Premium beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

United Arab Emirates: Barbican Premium Malt (NON-ALCOHOLIC)

united arab emirates Barbican Premium Malt NA beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

United States: Pliny The Elder

United States Pliny The Elder If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Uruguay: Norteña

Uruguay Nortena If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Uzbekistan: Sarbast Original

uzbekistan Sarbast Original Beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Vanuatu: Tusker Lager

Vanuatu Tusker Lager beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Venezuela: Polar

venezuela Polar beer 151x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Viet Nam: Sabeco 333 Export

viet nam Sabeco 333 Export beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Virgin Islands: St. John Brewers Virgin Islands Island Hoppin IPA

virgin islands St. John Brewers Virgin Islands Island Hoppin IPA beer 174x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Wales: Newmans Cave Bear Stout

wales Newmans Cave Bear Stout beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Zambia: Mosi Lager

zambia Mosi Lager beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

Zimbabwe: Zambezi

zimbabwe Zambezi beer 450x600 If Every Country On Earth Sent A Beer to the Olympics*

 

7 Ways Beer Would Improve The Olympics

This list is not the ways drinking beer would enhance viewing the olympics because we all know that alcohol always improves the joy of watching sports. No, what we’re going for here are ways the actual olympic events would be improved by incorporating beer.

I believe it’s safe to say the ratings would improve 1000 fold.

(Disclaimer: If you’re moronic enough to try any of these activities at home you probably deserve the coma/castration/brain death/incarceration that would result. Just FYI.)

 

Soccer:

How it would improve the game: After any goal is scored (or penalty kick is blocked) the victorious team must shotgun a beer. This would not only enhance the competition by giving the trailing opponent a chance to catch up via sobriety, but it would also improve the chances that the German woman’s soccer team might disrobe during a victory celebration.

german soccer 7 Ways Beer Would Improve The Olympics

Yes, the entire team posed for Playboy.

 

Why this might be a bad idea: All the fake injuries and dives might actually be real when a drunk athlete kicks you in the head/neck/groin with all of their inebriated strength.

 

Pole Vault:

How it would improve the game: Vaulters contort their bodies in some pretty wacky ways when attempting to clear the bar. Imagine how limber they’d be if they’d had a forty of malt liquor!

contortionist 7 Ways Beer Would Improve The Olympics

 

Why this might be a bad idea: the risk of being impaled is all too real, as can be seen in the attached video. Do not watch if you cherish your testicles.

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/181201.html

 

 

High Dive:

How it would improve the game: Beer is liquid courage, be it the means to enable you to ask out the girl who is so completely out of your league that they make these couples seem reasonable: http://thechive.com/2010/04/19/love-my-ass-22-photos/

….or as a way to convince yourself that you’re indestructable. Let’s face it: most of us would literally pee ourselves to death if faced with a 10 meter dive, but with these olympians it’s no big deal. That’s why requiring divers to drink a sixer of barleywine would dial it up a little:

 

 

Why it might be a bad idea: I’ve done you the service of not linking to video of diving accidents because I wanted to spare you a lifetime of night terrors and psychiatric treatment.

 

 Judo

How it would improve the game: Judo literally translates as “gentle way”, which is exactly what we DON’T want out of our martial arts. What we want is skull-crushing, femur-splintering, pelvis-exploding martial arts violence. Now, an unfortunate side-effect for some drinkers is a propensity for violence, therefore all Judo participants should pound a yard of Tactical Nuclear Penguin before hitting the mat. Then it’ll be like “The Raid: Redemption” without the gunplay.

 

Why it might be a bad idea: Did you watch the above trailer??

 

Bowling

How it would improve the game: Bowling is MADE for beer. How many sports are played in what is essentially a bar that keeps score? In fact, I find it morally reprehensible that beer isn’t served during olympic bowling. If bowlers could drink it would be like this:

 

 

Why it might be a bad idea: It’s more likely it would turn out like this…

 

 

Synchronized Swimming

How it would improve the game: Beer and swimming almost inevitably lead to skinny dipping, just like eating lead paint as a child always leads to voting Republican. If our swimmers slammed a 6 pack of some girly beer (say, Coors Light) it’s altogether likely that these ladies would make this event get better ratings than the Super Bowl, The Academy Awards and a televised flogging of Dick Cheney combined.

bia and bianca feres sync swimming brazil 7 Ways Beer Would Improve The Olympics

The Brazilian synchronized swimming participants. Go team Brazil!

 

Why it might be a bad idea: Swimming and booze don’t always go too well together. Just ask Brian Jones.

 

Archery

How it would improve the game: Bow hunting and beer go back as far as the mesozoic period (citation needed), so it’s a proven fact that high-velocity weapons mix well with drunkenness. Archers would certainly up their game and move beyond boring old paper targets:

 

Why it might be a bad idea: